I was 14 years old when I last talked to my grandfather. I block myself from trying to remember that whole day. I don’t want to remember one of the saddest days. My grand parents were the best two people I have ever met. They thought me values, respect and manners. Through the years my grandfather had battled with some rough things. Varies from pneumonia to emphysema. He was a fighter alright. April 28th 2006 was a beautiful day I remember the clouds were shaped like cotton balls. I remember that because I was sitting outside wonder what was coming next. My mom came to me and told me that I had to go with her there was a lady there that was going to say last rights. At that time I didn’t really get what was going on, but soon I came to understand. I remember me standing next to my grandfather and seeing him not in good shape, but he didn’t look anything different. I began to feel a big wave of sadness come over me, and my eyes bust with tears. I got closer to him after the rights were read. Kissed him on his cheek, he grabbed my hand and said “rob I love you so much”. “I’ll be watching over you I have all the faith in the world in you”. Then I began to break down and hugged him for the last time. My grandfather died three days later in his sleep. I know now that I had to live up to the person my grandfather and I both knew I could be. Five years later I still bring him with me everyday. Always making sure I can live up to what he taught me and how I treat others. I know I got him looking down on me, and I wouldn’t want him to be disappointed in me. On holidays we still remember him with a candle we light in his remembrance. You never realize how much you miss someone until they’re gone just like they always said. Its not about what you lost, its what about the time you had.
Hey! i never really did this before but I hope my review is helpful to you.
ReplyDelete1.The Assignment is to encourage the writer into writing a piece that is personal to them. Hopefully with this type of writing, the writer would be able to express what they think and feels into words on a paper. The best forms of writing is from your own personal style so by forcing the writer into typing a piece about a personal belief, well it's pushing for their personality to be able to be expressed through the writing.
2. My partner met certain expectations. She expressed a traumatic time in her life that might have changed her mindset since then. Skimming back to some of the passages, you can really tell she thought of her grandfather very highly as a father-figure. She looked up to him. The two quotes by her grandfather seem to have stuck onto her. It seems she used those two quotes as a stepping stone for herself. I like the way she includes the date and how she remembers that it was a beautiful day and how the clouds appeared to be.
3. The first passage needs some tweaking. Restructure the first passage, maybe even include an example of a memory of your relationship with him. Draw the reader like myself in only to be stricken with sadness. Start out with a happy memory and ease into what happened to your grandfather.
4. “What is the belief that you would like to express through the writing?”
“What brought you so close to your grandparents, any quick memory that you would like to share that would exemplify your relationship with your grandfather?”
You can feel the raw emotion coming out of this piece. You can sense it was a traumatic event to go through. Work in a passage focusing more onto what your relationship with your grandfather was like. Was he just an ordinary grandfather or was he more. I would also suggest working on the grammar which I'm pretty sure all of us can use a little work on.